• No Figs For You!

    My fig tree is pissed! Here it is, mid June, and there’s not a leaf in site. You may recall me bragging about how tough my fig tree is. That post is here if you want to read it (and why wouldn’t you?), but I basically said that my tree needs no coddling from me to survive the harshness of a New York winter because she’s one tough bitch. Turns out, she’s a spiteful one too. She’s been flipping me the middle branch all spring.

    As far as I can tell, she’s not dead. She’s sleeping in. I do that too, but there comes a point where you have to wake the F up. Do your job, tree! If I slept through work, I’d get fired! OK, no I wouldn’t because I’m the boss, but still. Make my figs, you lazy ass tree!

  • My Crappy Yard: I Planted a Lawn

    Welcome to the Jungle

    Not only is my house crappy, but my yard is extra crappy with a side of crap. Supersized. This past weekend, I planted a lawn. (Well, it remains to be seen if it will be an actual lawn, but I put down seed and I’m crossing my fingers.) I bought the lazy girl seed that’s specially coated to keep in extra moisture in case I forget (I will) to water.

    While the baby lawn struggles to grow, I thought now would be a good time to catch you up on the story of my backyard from the beginning.